Last week’s chart was quite eventful, what with all the post Christmas stuff. This one, though… this is a proper dead week. This really isn’t going to take us long.

1. Stormzy featuring Ed Sheeran & Burna Boy – “Own It”

Two weeks, and his album “Heavy is the Head” climbs to number 1 as well (on its fourth week on release). There’s a bit of an asterisk next to these, mind. Stormzy is number one on the singles chart because “Dance Monkey” by Tones & I is far enough past its peak to have its streams downweighted under the chart rules – but it is the best selling and best streamed track of the week. The album’s a bit less contentious – it was at number 2 already, but it did have some one-week discounts to push it over the line.

The rest of the top 4 is static, and this week’s highest new entry is…

5. Justin Bieber – “Yummy”

When a major artist releases a single in a week like this, you have to wonder if it’s because they think they need a dead week for it to get noticed. “Yummy” is the lead single from Justin Bieber’s fifth album, and it’s the sort of song best experienced by non English speakers. On a purely musical level it’s fine – it bounces along pleasantly enough. The lyrics are… well, the wrong kind of stupid, basically. I mean, it knows it’s stupid, but it’s aiming for charmingly, knowingly stupid, and it’s not that.

“Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd climbs into the top 10 (from 11) – that’s his eighth top 10 hit. “The Box” by Roddy Ricch makes a more impressive jump from 40 to 16, beating his previous peak of 18 (when he guested on “How It Is” by the Plug last year). Other than that, the chart is overrun with older records floating around, none of which is really worth talking about.

35. Mist – “Savage”

The only other new entry this week. Mist had a top 10 hit last year with “So High”, but this feels like it’s retrenching with his base. He’s very keen to tell us that he’s a gangsta and there’s a lot of gun effects – that sort of thing. Mind you, it does the standards very well.

On the album chart, we’ve already mentioned Stormzy at number one, and predictably, the chart is almost entirely devoid of new entries. The Roddy Ricch album, “Please Excuse Me For Being Antisocial”, climbs from 39 to 17, which is unusual. And there’s a single, inexplicably-scheduled new entry…

30. Gene Pitney – “Gold”

Gene Pitney died in 2006, and he hasn’t charted with a non-compilation album since 1967. This is a 3 CD set, described by the record label as “the only Gene Pitney compilation you’ll ever need”. He had ten top 10 hits in the sixties, but his only number one came in 1989 as a guest on Marc Almond’s cover of “Something’s Gotten Hold of My Heart”.