So, how’s that effort to speed up the charts coming along?  Well, not brilliantly.  True, there’s often a lull at this time of year – there seems to be a theory that promoting new music should go on hold over the holiday season – but strap in for the skull-shuddering excitement of an eleven-week number one and a chart with one new entry!

1.  Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber – “Despacito”

Even after three weeks of downweighting, “Despacito” is still – just – clinging on at number one.  So I suppose it’s time to start flagging up the records.  With two interruptions to its run, we’re only concerned here with total weeks at number one, and right now, “Despacito” is joint seventh on that list, level with Slim Whitman’s “Rose Marie” from 1955.  The next target is 14 weeks, shared by Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You” and Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”, but that’s a lot to ask of a record which is only marginally still at the top.

Further down, “Feels” by Calvin Harris featuring Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean climbs to 3 (after three weeks stuck at 4).  “Sun Comes Up” by Rudimental featuring James Arthur moves 10-8 for a new peak.  “New Rules” by Dua Lipa continues to outperform my expectations by jumping 19-9 – this is her third top ten hit, but she’s yet to get past number 9.  “Subeme La Radio” by Enrique Iglesias featuring Sean Paul & Matt Terry – in the UK version, at any rate – climbs 16-12.  “Sorry Not Sorry” by Demi Lavato is up 27-16, so it’s now her biggest hit since “Cool For The Summer” reached the top 10 in 2015.  More of her later – she’s competing with herself.   “Chasing Highs” by Alma is up 24-18.

21.  J Balvin & Willy William – “Mi Gente”

Three foreign language singles on the chart at once?  That can’t have happened in a while.  Willy William is a French DJ, and this started life as his track “Voodoo Song”, which only came out a few months ago, but things move fast these days.  (The original has a video, but it didn’t do much.)  This re-work gives the lead to J Balvin, who’s been a star in Colombia for years.  This was his sixth number one there.  He’s also had some success on the US Latin chart and Mexico.  Europe has been a bit trickier for him, but in 2015 “Ginza” was a number one on the Spanish and Italian charts.

I kind of like this, as a straight dance track.  To be honest, if you don’t speak the language, that probably does “Mi Gente” little harm.  It seems to be pretty much the standard “everyone is partying to my record” stuff, though for all I know it could be full of spectacular Spanish wordplay.

22.  Jax Jones featuring Demi Lovato & Stefflon Don – “Instruction”

This has been hovering in the thirties for three weeks, but it now jumps ten places, coinciding with the release of the video.

29.  Lil Uzi Vert – “XO Tour Llife3”

Somewhat similar story – this has been hovering around the bottom end of the chart since June, but it now edges up into the top 30 for the first time.  It also now has a lyric video, as opposed to just an animated graphic for three minutes.  “Bestie” by Yungen featuring Yxng Bane re-enters at a new peak of 30, after dropping to 41 last week.  And that’s it.  Very boring singles chart.

On the albums…

• “Everything Now” by Arcade Fire enters at 1.  Not a shock – so did the previous two number ones.  Single: “Everything Now” (which surely should have been a hit?)
• “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” by Passenger is 5.  A one-hit wonder on the singles chart, with 2013’s “Let Her Go”, Passenger has capitalised rather better on the albums chart, notching up his fourth top ten album here.  Title track.
• “Paranormal” by Alice Cooper is 6.  He hasn’t been this high up the chart since 1994, but absence makes the heart grow fonder – this is his first album since 2011.  Oddly, if the Chart Company database is to be believed, that album – “Welcome 2 My Nightmare”, a sequel to 1975’s “Welcome To My Nightmare” – didn’t chart.  I’m a bit sceptical about that.
• Some Pet Shop Boys albums get re-issued – “Nightlife” is 29, “Release” is 30 and “Fundamental” is 33.  These are all post-imperial phase.
• “New Facts Emerge” by The Fall is 35.  With some bands you think “are they still going”; with the Fall, you think “of course they are”.   This returns them to the top 40 for the first time since “Re-Mit” in 2013.  Title track.