See, it can still be done.

1.  Little Mix – “Shout Out To My Ex”

Well, I think you know what you’re getting with a title like that – you dumped me, you broke my heart, I have risen above you, etc etc.  It’s exactly that.  And given that Little Mix actually can sing, having them in unison on the chorus doesn’t seem the best use of them.  But whatever.  I’ve heard it done worse.

More to the point, it’s late 2016 and here’s a new entry at number 1 on the strength of first-week sales – this is only at number 7 on the streaming chart.  And in fact, it’s not even a complete first week; the single was a midweek release after being debuted on the X Factor Sunday night results show.  Which means it’s at number 1 on the strength of four days sales plus a few hours on the Sunday night.  And in a world where records have generally gone back to entering low and climbing the chart over the course of a month or so, this is strikingly unusual.  Not unheard of – Major Lazer’s “Cold Water” did it in August, as did Zayn Malik’s “Pillowtalk” in February – but very much not the norm.

5.  Hailee Steinfeld & Grey featuring Zedd – “Starving”
12.  Neiked – “Sexual”

The joint highest climbers, both up 12 places.  It comes to my attention that Dyo, the inexplicably uncredited singer on “Sexual”, has charted before: as “Ms D”, she had several credited appearances in 2012-13 as a guest singer on Wiley singles.  In particular, she was on his number 1 single “Heatwave”, though she didn’t make the video and had her part lipsynched by models.  She was also the singer on “Oopsy Daisy” by Chipmunk, a number 1 hit in 2009, for which she received no credit and got lip-synched by an actress in the video.  She really needed a better agent.  I think that’s really her in the video for “Can You Hear Me (Ayayaya)”, though.

16.  Maroon 5 featuring Kendrick Lamar – “Don’t Wanna Know”

Oh god, it’s a Pokemon Go themed video.  That’s already over, isn’t it?  No?  I should ask a young person, I guess.  The record is Maroon 5’s usual polished FM coffee table stuff, but it’s got a certain effortlessness to it, I’ve got to admit.  For whatever reason, even though Kendrick Lamar has been tacked on to the single, the video uses the original version without him.  Lamar has been a featured guest on six top 40 hits, but has only had one of his own (“I”, from 2014).

31.  Fifth Harmony – “That’s My Girl”

Yes, that is an official alternate video.  A cobbled together, completely random one, I grant you, but it’s some sort of official.  The regular one is here if you want to watch it – the Wikipedia summary says it “shows the group in a post-apocalyptic world where they dance through the streets singing the song’s empowering lyrics and saving the affected people”.  So a sort of girl power Oxfam, I guess.  I’d rate this as one of Fifth Harmony’s better singles on the strength of the brass riff, though be advised I don’t think this is saying much.

37.  Galantis featuring Hook N Sling – “Love On Me”

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This has been hovering outside the top 40 for the last two weeks.  It’s Galantis’ fourth hit, and the other three all climbed to the top 10 in the end.  Hook N Sling is an Australian DJ, who’s had the occasional hit in Europe but is making his first UK chart appearance here.  The established Galantis disco cut-up formula is joined this time by a dash of tropical house, because 2016.  Lots of colour in the video, great hook.  This ought to go further.

40.  Shawn Mendes – “Mercy”

The second official single from the album.  It’s been hovering outside the top 40 for the last three weeks, but it might gain a bit more momentum now that it’s scraped over the line.

On the album chart, the wave of releases for the Christmas market continues.

• “WALLS” by Kings of Leon enters at number 1.  Their fifth straight number one album is also the first to produce no hit singles, though to be fair, it was marginal last time round.  The title is short for “We Are Like Love Songs”.  Single: “Waste a Moment”.
• “The Singles” by Phil Collins at 2.  Fairly self-explanatory.  Let’s have his debut “In The Air Tonight”, a number 2 hit in 1981.
• “The Wave” by Tom Chaplin at 3.  Debut solo album by the lead singer of Keane.  Single: “Hardened Heart”.
• An expanded re-issue of “Be Here Now” by Oasis is number 4.  That’s the one with the bloated “D’You Know What I Mean?” on it – the 2016 reissue has wisely knocked a minute forty off the track and it’s still nearly six minutes long.  There’s also a re-entry for “What’s the Story Morning Glory” at 40.
• “Gameshow” by Two Door Cinema Club at 5.  Their third album, and the second to make the top 5.  For some reason, Two Door Cinema Club have had very little singles chart success despite making records that seem fairly radio friendly to me.  Single: “Are We Ready? (Wreck)”
• “Superwoman” by Rebecca Ferguson at 7.  The 2010 X Factor runner up, now on her fourth album, all of which have made the top 10.  The lead single, “Bones”, is a cover of a Ginny Blackmore song that got to number 1 in New Zealand in 2013.
• “Like an Arrow” by Blackberry Smoke at 8.  Southern rock.  It’s their third album to chart in this country, and the first to make the top 10.  Here’s a BBC 2 performance of “Waiting For The Thunder”.
• “In Winter” by Katie Melua at 9.  Her seventh album, all of which have made the top 10.  It’s the first without Mike Batt involved (because the contract finally ran out).  The album was recorded in Georgia (not the American one) and features the Gori Women’s Choir.  Single: “Dreams On Fire”.
• “Fire on the Floor” by Beth Hart at 28.  Hart has been around for 20 years plus, but this is only her second album to chart in the UK.  It’s blues soul, basically.  Single: “Love is a Lie”.
• “Music for Cats” by David Teie at 33.  This is not a joke – Teie is a cellist and researcher who has previously published a paper documenting his success in musically entertaining cotton-top tamarins, and he now turns his attention to the unmet musical needs of cats.  It’s basically a mixture of strings and ambient sounds (there’s a lot of purring and ticking), and on the strength of a few minutes listen, it’s actually rather pleasant.  Here’s the album on Spotify, if you want.
• “This Time It’s Personal” by John Cooper Clarke & Hugh Cornwell at 34.  A covers album by a performance poet and the lead singer of the Stranglers.  Here’s their version of “MacArthur Park”.
• “Let There Be Light” by Hillsong Worship at 36.  Australian Christian praise music.  It’s their 25th album (all of which are live albums).  Single: “What A Beautiful Name”.
• “1992” by The Game at 38.  That’s his second-lowest chart placing to date (the lowest being 2012’s “Jesus Piece”, whose religious theme may have limited its market, despite generally good reviews).  Single: “All Eyez”.