It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these.  Partly that’s because the Roll Deep single managed three weeks at number one.  Partly it’s because I’ve been busy.  And partly it’s because the last couple of number one singles weren’t especially interesting. But never mind, some of the other new entries have more going for them.

We’ll kick off with the number 1 single of 23 May, which is…

“Nothin’ on You” by B.o.B. featuring Bruno Mars. It’s the debut single for both acts, it’s another example of the way R&B pop is dominating the charts in 2010, it’s perfectly fine if you like that sort of thing, it does nothing much for me but I can see the appeal, and despite racking my brains, I can think of nothing else to say about it.  Oh, hold on… it’s not drenched in autotune.  That’s a plus.

Fortunately, it’s about to develop at least one more trivia footnote.  Because although it got knocked off the top after a single week, the midweeks say it’s going back to the top on Sunday.  And that’s fairly unusual, at least.

The record that knocked it off for a week is “Dirtee Disco” by Dizzee Rascal. For some unfathomable reason, his record company have released two versions of the video online: a one minute excerpt (half of which is the video intro before the song starts), and a 10 minute epic intercut with “commentary” by the artiste.  I can kind of understand not making your videos embeddable, to make sure you get the traffic – but not posting them at all seems to defeat the point of making them.

Since Dizzee apparently doesn’t want people to watch his videos, I won’t bother embedding either of the available versions, but you can watch the extended version here if you really want.  It’s not one of his better efforts, to be honest – standard disco sample, generic rap over the top, you know the sort of thing.  It is, nonetheless, his 15th top 40 hit and his fourth number 1, to join “Dance Wiv Me”, “Bonkers” and “Holiday”.

And now, the rest.  It’s been four weeks, and some of the charts have been quite active, so this is going to take a while…

• “Solo” by Iyaz. New at number 3 this week.  The follow-up to his number 1 debut “Replay” from January.  It’s along similar lines; it’s another pop-R&B song; it’s unobjectionable.  The video director would like to remind you that Iyaz comes from an island.
• “Watercolour” by Pendulum. Peaked at number 4 on 9 May.  The fourth and biggest hit for an Australian band who pitch themselves somewhere between rock and rave.  One of those bands whose records all sound rather similar, but at least they don’t sound like anyone else’s.
• “Candy” by Aggro Santos featuring Kimberly Wyatt. Peaked at number 5 on 9 May.  Aggro Santos is yet another London grime act crossing over to mainstream pop.  He’s of Brazilian descent, and he does have a great name.  This is his chart debut.  Kimberly Wyatt is a former member of the Pussycat Dolls, no doubt being stretched to the vocal limit here.  It’s an okay dance record, though the clumsy website namechecks are squirm-inducing.
• “Not Afraid” by Eminem. New at number 5 last week.  The lead single from his new album, and for once he’s broken from the usual pattern of releasing a bouncy one first.  It’s his 22nd top 40 hit.
• “We Dance On” by N-Dubz featuring Bodyrox. New at number 6 last week.  This is from the soundtrack to “Street Dance 3D”, in which Simon Cowell tries to get some money out of those dance acts that Britain’s Got Talent lumbered him with.  Actually, that’s not quite fair – the reviews have been decent.  N-Dubz pick up their 9th hit, in their ever-unconvincing “heartwarming and inspirational” mode.  Bodyrox are a production duo, and it’s a little unusual to see them getting a featured artist credit.  Their only previous hit was “Yeah Yeah” (number 2 in 2006), which is pretty good.  “We Dance On” is yet another record based on Pachabel’s Canon in D Major, a chord progression which pop music loves to dust off every now and then.  (See, for example, “Go West” or “Altogether Now”.)
• “She’s Always a Woman” by Fyfe Dangerfield. Peaked at number 7.  As predicted last time, the cover version from the M&S advert sailed into the charts once it was actually made available.  A video has been rushed out, perhaps in the hope of getting people to remember what Fyfe Dangerfield looks like.

• A bunch of stuff by the Glee Cast. Specifically “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (peaking at 9), “Run Joey Run” (at 27, which isn’t bad at all considering nobody in Britain has heard of the original from 1975) and “I Dreamed a Dream” (at 36, thus beating the Susan Boyle version by one place).  This brings their total to 13 top 40 hits.
• “Leeds Leeds Leeds (Marching On Together)” by the Leeds United Team and Supporters. Number 10 on 23 May.  Um.  There’s going to be a lot of dodgy football-related singles over the next few weeks, but most of them will be to do with the World Cup.  “Leeds Leeds Leeds” is an old-school football team novelty single – it’s actually the B-side of the team’s 1972 release “Leeds United”, which also got to number 10, and wasn’t any better.  It’s a truly awful single, but Leeds have been using it as their entrance music for years, and it’s never been available to download before, so bizarrely, this seems to be a genuine surge of purchases from enthusiastic Leeds fans.

• “Eenie Meenie” by Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber. Number 10 and climbing.  See, it could be worse.
• “Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever)” by Muse. Number 11 on 23 May.  Their 20th hit.  It’s from the soundtrack to the next Twilight film, which must be dialling up the operatic melodrama.  And yes, it really is called “Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever)”.
• “Not Myself Tonight” by Christina Aguilera. Peaked at number 12 on 16 May.  She’s trying a bit too hard with the bad girl stuff, isn’t she?  Nonetheless, this is her 19th top 40 hit, and her highest chart placing since 2006 (when “Tell Me” with P Diddy reached number 8).
• “Te Amo” by Rihanna. Number 14 and climbing, for her 18th hit.  It’s actually quite good, despite what you’d expect from a song with attention-grabbing lesbianism as its main selling point.
• “Make Me Wanna Die” by the Pretty Reckless. Peaked at number 16 on 23 May.  This is a track from the Kick-Ass soundtrack, but it’s also the debut hit for Gossip Girl actress Taylor Momsen’s band.  So that’s two fandoms with one stone.  Not a subtle piece of songwriting, to put it mildly, but she’s a decent vocalist, as it turns out.

• “Wavin’ Flag” by K’Naan. New this week at number 16.  His second hit (following a guest appearance on a Keane single down at the bottom of this list), but it’s charting mainly because it’s the official theme of the 2010 World Cup.  It’s sort of an all-purpose anthem – the song was previously used in Canada as a Haiti fundraiser, and it’s now being released in multiple languages in different countries.  The link above takes you to the Arabic version, just because.
• “Your Love is my Drug” by Ke$ha. Number 18 and climbing, and her fifth hit (though two were as guests on other people’s records).  She actually sings a bit on this one.  Odd song; it’s almost like it’s making fun of the tired old metaphor, but I kind of suspect it might not be.
• “Three Lions 2010” by The Squad. Another version of the English football anthem “Three Lions”, originally written for the Euro 96 tournament (which was in England, hence the “Football’s coming home” line).  The original version, by the Lightning Seeds and comedians David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, is a quite good song about being a fan of a team that never wins.  This update, with people like Russell Brand on it, and an autopilot backing track, was wholly uncalled for.
• “Bittersweet” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Peaked at number 25, making it her 10th and smallest top 40 hit as a solo act.  I know there’s an 80s revival on, but this is practically Stock Aitken & Waterman.  Ellis-Bextor also had two hits with indie band theaudience at the dawn of her career, and by a happy coincidence, this matches the peak of the bigger one, “I Know Enough (I Don’t Get Enough)”.

• “Crush” by Fugative. Peaked at number 26 on 16 May to give him his first top 40 hit.  Another London rapper trying to cross over.
• “Guns and Horses” by Elly Goulding. Peaked at 26 a couple of weeks ago.  Her second hit, following the number 4 peak of “Starry Eyed.”  Goulding was one of the music industry’s big projects for 2010, but it’s not quite taking just yet.
• “Over the Rainbow” by Danielle Hope. The winner of a BBC show to cast the part of Dorothy in Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s West End production of the Wizard of Oz.  No official video.  The  show are mainly notable for (a) the  bizarre attempts to get the girls to sing pop songs as if they were musical numbers, complete with overacting, and (b) the frankly surreal elimination sequence, in which (I swear) losing contestants are stripped of their shoes, which are ceremonially presented to Andrew Lloyd-Webber so that he can hang them on a tree.  And are then forced to sing “Over the Rainbow.”  Here’s one such girl, who is not Danielle Hope.  Danielle Hope will be one of the girls in the background.  I have no idea which one.

• “Bubbles” by Biffy Clyro. Peaked at number 34, their 14th hit, actually pretty good.
• “I Like” by Keri Hilson. New at 34 this week.  Her 7th hit – her biggest is her guest appearance on Timbaland’s number 1 “The Way I Are”.
• “The Flood” by Katie Melua. Comeback single for the MOR star, who hasn’t been around since a charity single with Eva Cassidy got to number 1 in 2007.  I really like the video.  It’s completely insane.

• “I Made It (Money Cash Heroes)” by Kevin Rudolf featuring Birdman, Jay Sean and Lil Wayne. All those people and it could only make number 37, somewhat undermining that “I am remarkably successful” theme of the song.
• “As We Enter” by Nas and Damian Marley. Peaked at 39.  13th hit for Nas, and the second for Damian Marley (anyone remember his 2005 hit “Welcome to Jamrock”?)
• “Stop For A Minute” by Keane featuring K’Naan. Peaked at 40 a couple of weeks ago, to give K’Naan his (marginal) debut hit, and Keane their tenth.
• And finally… “Alejandro” by Lady Gaga, which is her next single, and entered this week at number 40.  It’ll climb.  The video isn’t on YouTube yet.