Remember The X Factor?  Remember how I spent the better part of last autumn explaining how half the chart was connected to it?  Well… it’s time for the reprise.

(And if you can’t see that one, here’s the YouTube link.)

This is “Once” by Diana Vickers.  She came fourth in the 2008 series of The X Factor (the one where Alexandra Burke won and JLS came second).  Her role in that series was to be the alternative option.  In practice, this meant that she warbled and yelped in a manner vaguely reminiscent of Dolores O’Riordan.  Oh, and she couldn’t dance (or at least they had no confidence in her) so they generally did everything in their power to keep her stationary.

Basically, you’re talking about performances like this.

Sometimes, attempts to let her remain stationery while doing upbeat songs resulted in some extremely questionable staging.

Nonetheless, it was always fairly clear that she was an X Factor contestant who might actually make it in the real world.  And indeed, Vickers is one of the rare X Factor alumni to have escaped the clutches of Simon Cowell and established a proper career.  Cowell passed on his option to sign her, and instead she ended up at RCA.  Perhaps intending to break out of her “waif who can’t move” typecasting, she also spent three months starring in a West End revival of Little Voice.

“Once” is a slightly wonky record that can’t quite seem to make up its mind about how quirky it wants to be, but it does grow on you.  It’s not going to manage a second week at number one, but it’s a promising start for her chart career.

Also this week:-

• “Until You Were Gone” by Chipmunk featuring Esmee Denters, at number 3.  Depressing generic stuff.  It’s the 7th chart credit for Chipmunk (the 5th as a lead artist), who really does seem to be phoning it in these days.  And it’s the second hit for Dutch singer Esmee Denters, who reached number 7 with “Outta Here” last August.
• “The Best” by Tina Turner at number 9 and “You’ll Never Walk Alone” by Gerry & The Pacemakers at number 33.  Yes, I thought it was called “Simply The Best” too, but apparently not.  I’d also forgotten how weirdly unflattering the video is.  Anyway, this is another Facebook chart invasion stunt.  “Simply the Best” is the Rangers anthem, and the idea was to try to get it to number 1 to coincide with the team winning the Scottish Premier League.  “You’ll Never Walk Alone” is the anthem of their rivals Celtic, whose fans were buying it as a spoiler campaign.  (Not a very successful one.)
• “Gives You Hell” and “Hello” by the Glee Cast, at numbers 14 and 35 respectively, for their 8th and 9th hits.  “Hello” is the Lionel Richie song that reached number 1 in 1984.  “Gives You Hell” was originally a number 18 hit for the All-American Rejects last February, so the Glee version has actually beaten the original there.
• And finally, “Don’t Trust Me” by 3OH!3, originally a number 21 hit last year, and re-entering at number 22 on the strength of re-promotion.  Ah, ironic misogyny.