Of late, the charts seem to have slipped back into their old habit of having records enter high on release, and drop from there.    The last three number ones all entered at the top – though admittedly, one of them was a charity single, which is a special case.  Thankfully, this week we’re back to a record that has seemingly taken forever to climb the chart.

“Telephone” by Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce is one of the bonus tracks from the “Fame Monster” special edition of Lady Gaga’s debut album.  It first charted as an album track download back in December 2009, when it got to number 30.  It’s been hovering around the top 75 almost uninterrupted since then.  A slow-build towards promoting it as a proper single led to it re-entering the top 40 several weeks ago, and make a painfully slow 39-39-34-37-31-12-1 climb to the top.  Why the sudden leap up the chart this week?  Well, mainly because the video came out.

This is the full length version of the video, by the way, so set aside ten minutes if you want to watch the whole thing.  To be honest, I’m not really sold on it.  I think it’s trying too hard.  “Telephone” is a basically straightforward song about being pestered with phone calls when you’re out clubbing.  Lady Gaga videos are generally eccentric, which is fine, but bits of this come across as rather blatant controversy-baiting, and that’s not so good.

It’s directed by Jonas Akerlund, the sort of video director who gets retrospectives at film festivals.  He was also responsible for “Paparazzi”, which is a pretty good video.  But he lapses into shock tactics from time to time  – see, for example, his video for the Prodigy’s “Smack my Bitch Up” (NSFW, duh), which still gets wheeled out regularly on late-night music channels.

That said, his videography is actually pretty varied – he was responsible for things like “Ray of Light”, not to mention a bunch of videos for the likes of Metallica and even Roxette and James Blunt.  He’s not a one-trick pony by any means.  And one of his most heavily censored videos in the UK was an accident.  The Cardigans’ “My Favourite Game” from 1998 was not supposed to be especially controversial; Akerlund apparently thought that a few edits would make it fine for daytime airplay. What actually happened was that the whole concept was deemed objectionable on the grounds that it encouraged reckless driving.  The UK daytime edit ended up as a spectacularly boring video of the lead singer driving along uneventfully in a car.  Here’s what it was meant to be like.

Digression: the point of making gratuitously controversial videos used to be to get them banned, or possibly get some friendly network to give you a special showing after the watershed.  These days, the point is presumably to get people to search you out online.  There is in fact an edit of “Telephone”, and that’s hardly surprising because all else being equal you’d quite like the added airplay from the TV music channels.  But the rise of the internet has somewhat changed the dynamics of making unbroadcastable videos.

It may also have put an end to the sub-genre of what you might call “anti-videos” – videos so cheap, amateurish or dull that the joke was the audacity of submitting them for broadcast in the first place.  That only works if you’re sneaking it on to late night MTV or the backwaters of BBC2; it’s not really funny if you do it on YouTube.  I’m thinking of things like the Wildhearts’ “Red Light, Green Light” (go on, guess) and the Pixies’ “Velouria”.  Extreme examples, admittedly, but you don’t seem to get this sort of thing as much any more.

Where was I?  Oh yes… Lady Gaga.  “Telephone” is her seventh top 40 hit in only 15 months, and her fourth number one.  It’s an extraordinary strike rate and the sort of thing that Madonna used to manage in the 80s.  Beyonce’s guest appearance gives her an 18th solo hit, and her fifth number 1 (the others being “Crazy in Love”, “Deja Vu”, “Beautiful Liar” and “If I Were A Boy”).

Also charting over the last couple of weeks:

• “Baby” by Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris, which peaked at number 3.  16-year-old Bieber (well, that’s what Wikipedia says, though he sounds more like 10) is some sort of teen idol in America, and he’s gaining ground here with his second single.  It’s generic R&B pop, but harmless enough.  Ludacris picks up his 15th top 40 appearance.  I wonder what he turns down?
• “Hot” by Inna at number 8.  This is the UK debut for Romanian singer Elena Apostoleanu.  The record is actually two years old, but it’s been a number one hit around eastern Europe and the Middle East (and in Spain), so now she’s mounting an assault on the west.  It’s above average Europop, with curiously melancholy undertones.
• “On a Mission” by Gabriella Cilmi, which peaked at number 9.  Cilmi is an Australian singer who had three hits back in 2008 when she sounded completely different.  This is an 80s-retro affair which samples Joe Jackson.  The video is endearingly camp.  Her biggest hit is still “Sweet About Me”, which peaked at number 6.
• “My Name” by McLean, which peaked at number 10, and is a deeply generic R&B track.  He’s from London, and it’s his debut.
• “Bad Boy” by Skepta at number 26, another grime record.  It’s Skepta’s first solo hit, though like many of these acts he’s been around for years without actually releasing records through mainstream channels.
• “I’m in the House” by Steve Aoki featuring Zuper Blahq, which peaked at number 29.  Club hit getting a minor hit.  Aoki is an American DJ making his first chart appearance.  Zuper Blahq is will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas.
• “True Colors” by the Glee Cast at number 35, because there’s always one.