Almost a week late, I know.  So I’d really better cover this one today, because it won’t be number one in 24 hours time…

When last we spoke, the number one record was the charity single “Everybody Hurts”, credited to Helping Haiti.  Despite a stellar start, its sales tailed off quickly.  That was enough to give it two weeks at the top – it did start very well – but this week it plummets to number 9.  That’s a much bigger drop than normal, and suggests that the single is going to flare out very quickly.

As for its American counterpart, “We Are The World” – well, that was released in the UK, but it didn’t get a huge amount of publicity, and it crashed out at number 50.  So the British have less appetite for Haiti charity records than some people had predicted.  In fairness, that’s partly because the singles emerged weeks into the fundraising effort, and there were plenty of ways to donate without buying mediocre cover versions.

Anyhow, this all leaves the way clear for…

…“In My Head” by Jason Derülo.  His real name is Jason Desrouleaux, but apparently he prefers it with a heavy metal umlaut.   This is his second hit (following “Whatcha Say”, which got to number 3 last November), and his first number one. 

It helpfully opens with the “Beluga Heights” and “JR” jingles, always a good indication that this might be a good time to make a cup of tea.  It’s tempting to dismiss this as another interchangeable effort from the house of autotune, but that wouldn’t be quite fair.  It does have a somewhat distinctive electro/soft rock arrangement, after all.  According to Wikipedia, the song was originally called “In My Bed” until he thought better of it, which is quite sweet.

There ends the complete list of even vaguely interesting things to be said about “In My Head” by Jason Derülo.

It seems to have been a tight race for number one, with Derülo only pulling ahead at the end of the week.   The number two record is rather more interesting, and it was also the “shadow” number one that got stuck behind Helping Haiti last week, so let’s talk about that instead.  It’s “You Got The Dirtee Love” by Florence & The Machine and Dizzee Rascal, a live performance from the Brit Awards a couple of weeks ago.  It’s actually a charity release too, but the charity in question is fairly obscure, so it’s probably selling because people like it.

Where do we start?  Well, let’s start with the Brit Awards.  Notionally they’re the British equivalent of the Grammies, except that the Grammies are a highly polished tedious industry backslapping exercise, and the Brit Awards are a somewhat more eccentric tedious industry backslapping exercise.  The event has still never quite lived down the stigma of the notoriously incompetent 1989 ceremony, which was so terrible that no broadcaster was willing to cover the 1990 show live.  (The whole thing is on YouTube, for any masochists out there.)  Later shows have been more professional, but attempts to capitalise on a reputation for “unpredictability” have still resulted in some really odd television.  Take the 1992 show, which opened with the KLF performing “3am Eternal” alongside Extreme Noise Terror.  Some people will tell you that this is a great piece of pop anarchy, although history has tended to gloss over its near-total lack of musical merit.

Obviously, it’s become a much more polished event in recent years, but it still isn’t quite as soporific as the Grammies (which nobody in Britain pays much attention to).

“You Got The Dirtee Love” is a mash-up.  It’s the rap from Dizzee Rascal’s single “Dirtee Cash” (number 10 last October)…

…over the arrangement from Florence & The Machine’s version of “You’ve Got The Love” (number 5 in January).

But you can trace both components back further than that. “Dirtee Cash” is based around “Dirty Cash” by the Adventures of Stevie V (number 2 in 1990, though the track actually dates from 1988) – which has largely been eradicated from the Brits version.

“You’ve Got The Love” is a much more complicated affair.  It started life in 1986 as “You Got The Love” by the Source featuring Candi Staton, a song supposedly recorded for use on the soundtrack of a video-only documentary about obesity.  “The Source” was apparently a record label pseudonym, and nobody seems to know who they were. Candi Staton is another matter – she had several hits in the mid-70s, the best known being “Young Hearts Run Free” (number 2 in 1976).

And here’s what “You Got The Love” originally sounded like. Brace yourself for the eighties.

This record is thoroughly obscure.   But it also included an acapella version, which was awfully handy for sampling.  Consequently, it’s turned up in several versions over the years, combining Staton’s vocal with completely different backing tracks.  It first charted in 1991, when it reached number 4 in this minimal electro version – still credited to “The Source featuring Candi Staton”, despite featuring none of the Source’s contribution.

And this version too was a mash-up – the backing track used here comes from “Your Love” by Jamie Principle. 

“You Got The Love” cropped up again in 1997, when it reached number 3 in this version.  This time the backing track is by Now Voyager (or John Truelove to his mum), but once again it was credited to the Source featuring Candi Staton.

A more refined version of this mix came out in 2006, and reached number 7… but I can’t find an embeddable version of that one on YouTube, so you’ll just have to follow the link.  Anyhow, this seems to be the closest version to Florence & The Machine’s version.  And so, by the time it’s filtered through to the Brits single, “You Got The Love” by the Source and Candi Staton has lost all of the original Source and almost all of Candi Staton.  It’s practically homeopathic.

Also entering the charts over the last two weeks:-

• Ellie Goulding, “Starry Eyed” at number 4.  Debut hit for this year’s record industry hype project.  It’s perfectly fine but a bit slight for all the hype, and I’m deeply suspicious of anyone brandishing “critics choice” awards on the strength of two singles.
• The Sugababes, “Wear My Kiss” at number 7.  Officially, their 26th hit single – although many would dispute that, since the band no longer features any of the original members (though Heidi Range has been there since the second album in 2002).  Founder member Mutya Buena, who left in 2005, has just launched legal proceedings to try and reclaim the name.
• Lemar, “The Way Love Goes”, which peaked at number 8 last week.  His 11th hit , and the biggest since 2005.  Rather generic.  Say, whatever happened to everyone else from Fame Academy?
• Chiddy Bang, “The Opposite of Adults” at number 12.  Their debut hit, sampling MGMT’s “Kids”, and it’s great.  Fun video, too.
• Leona Lewis, “I Got You” at number 14 and climbing.  Her tenth hit, and it’s much like the rest.
• The Courteeners, “You Overdid It Doll”, which spent a week on the chart at number 28.  Fifth hit for the indie band.  Reminds me of Reverend & The Makers for some reason.  Video seems to take itself a bit seriously.
• Alphabeat, “Hole in my Heart” at number 29.  Fifth hit for the Danish group, beloved of a certain sort of pure pop fan who admire the retro formula.  There’s something about this song that makes it feel like it belongs on Tap Tap Revolution, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
• Chris Brown, “Crawl”, which spent a week on chart at number 35.  He may have a bit more crawling to do yet, though he was never exactly a consistent chart performer in the UK.  It’s his 11th top 40 hit.
• Pixie Lott, “Gravity” at number 35 (but I imagine it’ll climb).   It’s all downhill after the first five seconds.
• Muse, “Resistance” at number 39.  Another of those Muse songs where our love will enable us to triumph over nonspecific oppression.  It’s their 19th hit, but really this is just continued promotion for the album.