Not much in this week’s X-books to talk about, though I’ll try to do something about the second Wolverine Max TPB in the next couple of days.  In the meantime – wrestling!

The Hell in a Cell PPV is a hangover from the period when the WWE wanted to give all of their B-shows a theme.  It is arguably one of the worst ideas they ever had.  The Hell in a Cell match – basically a cage match in a bigger cage – had been very well promoted for years in a way that made it synonymous with Really Big Matches.  But having an annual show which was required to feature the match, and then failing to plan months in advance to ensure that was actually any reason to do so, has largely gutted the gimmick’s drawing power and turned it into simply a glorified cage match.  Of course, in terms of the rules, that’s all it ever was, but that’s not the point.  Presentation is everything.

1.  WWE Title – Hell in a Cell Match – Daniel Bryan v Randy Orton.  On top of that, the company is still going through one of its phases of perversely bad writing.  The main feud is still meant to be between Triple H and Stephanie as the heel authority figures (with Randy Orton as their in-ring representative), and Daniel Bryan as the underdog babyface who deserves to be champion but keeps getting screwed out of it.  This has been dragged out for way too long now, and in a way that can’t help but leave fans wondering what the excuse will be to strip him of the title even if he wins this time.  That’s going to be a major problem in terms of getting a reaction even if he does win, and the storyline kind of requires that he has to at some point.

The title is still vacant.  Three shows ago, Daniel Bryan beat John Cena in the main event to win the title, but promptly lost it to Randy Orton, who cashed in his Money in the Bank title shot.  Orton didn’t even do anything to win the title; Triple H ambushed Bryan instead.  Two shows ago, Bryan beat Orton in his rematch, only to be stripped of the title the next night on the pretext that he had supposedly colluded with the referee in a fast count.  The idea was supposed to be that Triple H had paid off the referee to do this so that there would be an excuse to have him lose the title even if he won.  Last month, Bryan and Orton wrestled for the vacant title in a match that ended in a No Contest when the Big Show attacked everyone in sight.  Yes, they ended a PPV on a no contest.

So here we are again.  This time the idea is that it’s a Hell in a Cell match (which in theory excludes outside interference), and Shawn Michaels is the guest referee.  The idea is meant to be that Shawn is Triple H’s longtime ally, but he was also Bryan’s mentor, so in theory he ought to be sympathetic to both sides and inclined to do the job fairly.  But guest referees practically always lead to a screwjob finish, since there has to be something for them to do.  That rarely builds confidence.

I have zero interest in seeing this (and I might as well tell you now that I won’t be ordering the show).  While it’s a good match on paper, it’s also a pairing we’ve seen far too many times before – they also did several matches on TV earlier in the year.  The HitC gimmick is played out.  It’s probably going to be another screwy finish.  And while I expect Bryan to win, that’s only because – to judge from the next match I’m coming to – they won’t actually have to use him as the top guy.

2.  World Heavyweight Title: Alberto Del Rio © v John Cena.  This has raised a few eyebrows, for two reasons.  First, John Cena disappeared the day after he lost the WWE Title to Daniel Bryan, for surgery that was supposed to keep him out of action until the end of the year.  Either he’s made a superhuman recovery, or the seriousness of his injuries (which were unquestionably genuine, as the lump in his elbow was plainly visible) was overstated, even by his real-life doctors.  Or he’s being rushed back to work too soon, which wouldn’t be entirely shocking either.  Some combination of all three wouldn’t surprise me, quite frankly.

Second, although the World Heavyweight Title (notionally the main title on Smackdown) is supposed to be equal to the WWE Title, everyone knows that it isn’t.  It’s treated as a secondary title, contested by upper mid carders and guys on the fringe of the main event picture.  It is entirely beneath John Cena, who’s the top guy in the company.

So why is this match happening?  Well, the cynical explanation is that you have Cena win this match, start treating the title as important again, and then let Bryan win the WWE Title while demoting it to the secondary role.  In this way you go through the motions of a pay-off on Bryan’s story without actually delivering it.  In fact, if I were writing this, I’d be sorely tempted to play into that expectation and deliberately do a story with Bryan and Cena as rival champions, starting the build to a unification match at Wrestlemania that would finally rid us of that second world title nobody cares about.  (There’s an awful lot of double bluff in the company’s writing at the moment; much of the tension in Bryan’s story is supposed to come from the idea that maybe the company really does think he isn’t up to being champion, and therefore won’t deliver the pay-off that the story is otherwise obviously leading to.)

Bear in mind that, floating around in the background somewhere, there’s still Damien Sandow and his Money in the Bank briefcase, which gives him a shot at this title.  Ever since winning that briefcase, Sandow has been largely losing undercard matches and generally giving no impression of being a serious challenger.  But it’s always possible he’ll show up to steal the title from Cena after the match.  Stranger things have been known.  If that happens then the World Heavyweight Title will certainly retain its secondary status, since Sandow’s beaten hardly anybody of consequence.

Cena hasn’t made any appearances on TV to promote this match, which is smart; the only real draw of this match is that it’s his return, so why pre-empt it?  He’s almost certain to win, and the match should be fine, so the only real question is where the storyline goes from there.

3.  Hell in a Cell handicap match – CM Punk v Ryback & Paul Heyman.  The latest stage in the CM Punk/Heyman feud which has been running for several months now.  The basic idea is that Heyman betrayed Punk, Punk wants revenge, and the only way he’s going to get his hands on Heyman is to take him on in a handicap match.  Since Heyman is not much of a physical threat on his own, this is really more of a match against Heyman’s current favourite wrestler Ryback, except with Heyman able to interfere freely.

We’ve seen Punk and Ryback in a Hell in a Cell match before, and it was a bit average, truth be told.  Admittedly, Ryback’s had another year since then; the face/heel roles are now reversed, which plays more to both guys’ strengths; and this will be more of a story-driven affair.  If they stick to the story it can probably work.  Normally I’d say that this was a match that Punk ought to lose for the sake of Ryback’s credibility, but they’ve beaten Punk often enough in this feud that he really is overdue a win – making this another match that probably shouldn’t have been booked in this form, since any result hurts somebody.

4.  WWE Tag Team Titles – 3-way match – The Rhodes Brothers (Cody Rhodes & Goldust) © v The Shield (Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) v The Usos (Jey & Jimmy Uso).  Cody Rhodes finally seems to be getting somewhere as a babyface.  Feuding with Damien Sandow didn’t really work (largely because Cody had no real grounds for complaint), but having Triple H victimise him for showing some mild support for Daniel Bryan worked a bit better.  On the previous PPV, Cody and his brother Dustin – better known under his 90s name Goldust – beat the Shield to win back their jobs with the company.  Then they went on to beat the Shield for the tag titles on Raw.

The reason the Shield aren’t getting an automatic re-match for the titles is that the Usos had already earned a shot at the titles, which Cody and Goldust leapfrogged.  So we’re getting a three way, which actually makes passable sense.  This ought to be a pretty good match, and it also has the unusual set-up that the Shield are outnumbered by the two babyface teams.  My guess would be that Cody and Goldust retain here, though I don’t expect this to be a lengthy title reign; Goldust seems to be here on a short-term contract.

5.  WWE Divas Title: AJ Lee © v Brie Bella.  Second time running for this.  Brie Bella has rather awkwardly been retroactively declared a babyface because she’s engaged to Daniel Bryan and the Total Divas reality show is acknowledging that fact.  Since there’s no rhyme or reason to her sudden personality change, it’s not really taking.  There’s a school of thought that says it would make a lot of sense for her and Daniel to both win titles on the same night, but the company hasn’t particularly been playing that up.  I’d say AJ ought to retain here, because at least she’s over with the crowd.

6.  The Real Americans (Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger) v Los Matadores (Fernando & Diego).  Erm.  Yes.  A random tag match to fill out the show.  The Real Americans are basically doing a Tea Party gimmick, with the added oddness of their stable including Antonio Cesaro, who is Swiss.  Still, he and Swagger are both good in the ring, and the company does seem to be working on upgrading the importance of the tag team division.

This is the first PPV match for Los Matadores, at least under that gimmick.  It’s an astonishingly cheesy routine in which two masked guys  do all sorts of matador gestures and are accompanied by a midget dressed as a bull.  They are, in fact, long time undercard wrestlers Primo and Epico, who are intriguingly also listed on the roster page under their own name.  I assume this is heading somewhere, since the commentators have made some vague comments about these guys looking familiar.  Since they’re “new”, the Matadores ought to win.

Worth getting?  It’s an alright card on paper but they’ve pretty much killed my interest in the main event feud, and there’s nothing else on the show that really overcomes that.