And here’s something I didn’t see coming.

1. Hozier – “Too Sweet”

My list of predictions for 2024 certainly did not include Hozier, of all people, having a number 1 hit a decade after “Take Me To Church” reached number 2. He did have a mid-table hit last year, when “Eat Your Young” reached number 22, but he seemed like someone who was destined to be remembered for his one hit. Like “Take Me To Church” (and none of his other singles since), it’s doing well internationally, at least in English language markets.

I know they say the younger generation have turned away from alcoholic debauchery, but there’s something quite adorable about a song in which Hozier explains that he cannot match his girl’s innocence due to his penchant for black coffee and undiluted whisky.

“Texas Hold ‘Em” drops back to 3 this week, since the album release week is past – the two other album tracks that made the top 10 last week both drop into the teens, which still isn’t bad for non-singles. Benson Boone is at number 2, and so you have to go down to number 4 to find a record that isn’t a present or past number one – Teddy Swims’ “Lose Control”, which has been in the top 10 since mid-January. Still, Hozier is only in his third week on the chart, so we’re not feeling too stale here.

26. Bakar – “Hell N Back”

We have to go some way down the chart to find any new entries, and even this doesn’t really count – it’s a re-entry, which had a 13-week run last year, peaking at number 20. Still, it hasn’t been in the top 40 since last June. Most of the current streams are actually coming from a remix featuring Summer Walker, but that came out months ago. I can only assume it’s been picked up by TikTok or something. The track is four years old and Bakar has yet to have any other hit singles, but his last album did get to number 15.

29. J Cole featuring Bas & Central Cee – “H.Y.B.”
38. J Cole – “7 Minute Drill”

Two tracks from J Cole’s album/mixtape “Might Delete Later”, which enters at number 7. These positions are quite low for J Cole – his 2018 and 2021 albums both reached number 2, and the latter placed three singles in the teens. Then again, this is a surprise-release mixtape, and there were no official singles to promote it. The two tracks that make the top 40 might be a source of some concern, though. “HYB” is the only track to feature a guest star, Central Cee, who can reliably chart in the UK in his own right. “7 Minute Drill” is a real oddity – it’s a diss track directed at Kendrick Lamar which was widely panned and which Cole has already withdrawn from streaming in what looks suspiciously like a publicity stunt, given the name of the album.

37. David Guetta & OneRepublic – “I Don’t Wanna Wait”

Yet another track reworking an old Europop single into a drearily generic 2020s club track. Are you people trying to prove that you could be replaced by an AI can it could do a better job? This one reuses the tune of “Dragostea Din Tei”, the improbable 2003/4 interntional hit for Moldovan boy band O-Zone, an early example of a viral hit, and an obviously much better record.

To be fair to O-Zone, they were not one hit wonders in continental Europe – their follow-up single “Despre Tine” was a top 10 hit around Europe and reached number 1 in Norway. Mind you, it’s basically the same song.

39. Artemas – “If U Think I’m Pretty”

Interesting. “I Like The Way You Kiss Me” climbs into the top five this week, and it seems to have reactivated interest in one of Artemas’ older tracks, which has been out for months. (By the way, the main hit now has a video.)

This week’s climbers:

• “I Like the Way You Kiss Me” by Artemas climbs 6-5.
• “Austin” by Dasha climbs 15-8.
• “Belong Together” by Mark Ambor climbs 22-14.
• “Birds in the Sky” by NewEra – another “huh, maybe AI could do this better” track – climbs 20-18.
• “Back on 74” by Jungle climbs 25-19
• “Happier” by the Blessed Madonna featuring Clementine Douglas climbs 26-21.
• “Slow it Down” by Benson Boone climbs 27-23
• “Home” by Good Neighbours climbs 28-27
• “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners, which has been wavering around the very bottom of the top 40 for a few weeks now, reaches a dazzling new peak of 36.

The five tracks leaving the top 40 are:

• “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor & T-Pain after a single week at number 40.
• “Never Be Alone” by Becky Hill & Sonny Fodera, which lasted 7 weeks and peaked at 23.
• “Von Dutch” by Charli XCX, which had two weeks as a re-entry, peaking at 27.
• “Bye” by Ariana Grande, an album track which managed four weeks, peaking at 13.
• “Yes And” by Ariana Grande, an actual single which peaked at 2 and lasted 12 weeks.

Over on the album chart, it’s a busy week.

1. The Libertines – “All Quiet on the Eastern Esplanade”

The Libertines are a lot more polished these days, aren’t they? They haven’t released an album in nine years, although they’ve continued to play live on and off in that time. This is their fourth studio album and their second number one – the first was their self-titled album from 2004. Somewhat remarkably, their 2002 debut album “Up the Bracket”, which had actual hit singles on it, only got to number 35 on the album chart.

3. The K’s – “I Wonder if the World Knows”

Merseyside guitar band. It’s their debut album and they don’t have a Wikipedia entry. K’s Merchandise Mart, a department store chain based in Illinois which closed in 2007, does.

4. Conan Grey – “Found Heaven”

This guy had a top 20 hit single in 2020 with “Heather”, which I confess I don’t remember at all. This is his third album – it’s his highest position to date, but its predecessor got to number 8. The track above is 80s retro synthpop, and it’s not bad at all.

7. J Cole – “Might Delete Later”

We’ve covered that already.

8. Feeder – “Black / Red”

That’s about standard for a Feeder album – the last two albums did better, but they’re pretty consistent. They’ve never dropped below 16 in the album chart since their breakthrough in 1999.

11. Vampire Weekend – “Only God Was Above Us”

This is their fifth album – the previous three all made the top 3, so even allowing for the fact that it’s a busy week, this is tailing off. Nice single, though.

13. The Black Keys – “Ohio Players”

Along similar lines, this is the first time the Black Keys have missed the top 5 since 2011.

16. Benson Boone – “Fireworks & Rollerblades”

Debut album, and obviously it’s got the current hit singles.

18. Khruangbin – “A La Sala”

Their fourth album; the first two did nothing in the UK, but the third reached number 7. They’ve released a couple of collaborative albums since then which didn’t chart either. This is quite good, though. I should give the album a listen.

22. Bob Vylan – “Humble as the Sun”

Oh, this is good. It’s their third album, the second to chart; the last one got to 18.

34. Bryson Tiller – “Bryson Tiller”

His fourth album. The single “Whatever She Wants” got to 16. His last two albums reached 11 and 12, so this is quite a bad position.