A week where pretty much all the new releases under perform, except for one…

35.  Calvin Harris featuring HAIM – “Pray To God”

This has been hovering outside the top 40 for a few weeks, struggling to take off as the single promotion begins.  Since Haim are already a very 80s band, the end result actually sounds like a more primary coloured and bombastic remix of a Haim track, as much as a Harris record.  The guitarist even gets to play.  (The drummer gets to wait in the van.)  Still, I’m amazed that this hasn’t made more progress by this point.

20.  Mumford & Sons – “Believe”

This did actually gain momentum and move up the chart between Wednesday and Sunday, but it’s still a fairly muted debut for the lead single from Mumford & Sons’ third album.  Then again, they’ve never really been a singles band – their biggest hit, “I Will Wait”, got to 12.  As advertised, this track backs off from their folk-ish calling cards and spends a couple of minutes being a bit Coldplay before bringing out an uncharacteristic electric guitar.  The back half probably has enough of the vaguely Celtic anthem to it to remain somewhat recognisable, but dumping your signature sound is always a risk.

Oh, and that video above is officially not a video at all but an “audio”.  YouTube continues to spawn odd little micro-budget videos that ostensibly aren’t videos at all, a strange little sub-genre all its own.

8.  Usher featuring Juicy J – “I Don’t Mind”

A romantic ballad in which Usher explains that he’s cool with his woman being a stripper as long as she comes home to him, because he appreciates her desire for monetary independence.  (Also, it suggests she’ll be a pushover on the pre-nup.)   No video for this.  It was number 3 in the midweeks but obviously tailed off pretty badly as the week went on.

3.  Flo Rida featuring Sage the Gemini – “GDFR”

This was number 1 in the midweeks, but as it turns out, it wouldn’t have held on even without the Comic Relief single coming along.  The title stands for “Get Down For Real”, and in keeping with the usual Flo Rida approach, he’s basically just babbling about partying over a hook he found on a moderately obscure dance record.  In this case, it’s the Lookas remix of the classic “Low Down” by War (number 12 in 1975), which has a rather nice little electric violin hook on it, well suited for hauling over to pop-rap.

Oh yeah, Sage The Gemini.  He’s a Californian rapper, and this is his chart debut.  Somewhat ironically, the top hit for his name on YouTube is the video for his single “Red Nose” (which is nothing too memorable either).

34.  Sam Smith – “I’m Not The Only One”
33.  Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
32.  Sam Smith – “Like I Can”
18.  Sam Smith – “Lay Me Down”
1.  Sam Smith featuring John Legend – “Lay Me Down”

Crikey.  That’s a lot of Sam Smith.

This year’s Comic Relief fundraiser single was a midweek release, and it has no comedy or novelty content at all – it is simply Sam Smith and John Legend with a piano doing a version of Smith’s current single “Lay Me Down”.  The song itself has nothing in particular to do with the charity either, but on the principle that nobody really pays attention to the verses, it has enough in the chorus that could be taken as a suitably vague, all-purpose expression of support.  It’s a perfectly decent rendition of the song, and their voices go well together.

The normal chart rule is that multiple versions of the same song by the same artist are counted together, whether or not some of them have different “featuring” credits.  For whatever reason, that isn’t being applied here – perhaps because it’s a charity release – and so we have the unusual sight of Smith being listed twice on the same chart with the same song.  It does happen occasionally, and it was more common back in the days when there was a limit on the number of formats that could count towards a chart position – once in a while, a remix 12″ would chart in its own right.  Two versions of “Pompeii” by Bastille charted at the same time last year, one being a Brit Awards live performance that was listed separately because it was part of a medley.

This also gives Smith five concurrent listings on the singles chart.  Again, not unprecedented, but extremely rare.  The record for the most concurrent top 40 hit singles is nine, but that was set by Michael Jackson in the week he died, which is obviously a special case.  In terms of regular releases, the record is seven, and it’s been held by Elvis Presley since 1957.  (Particularly impressive when you bear in mind that the chart only went down to 30 in those days.)

John Legend gets his first number 1 single, beating the number 2 peak of “All Of Me”.  Of course, that record has spent over a year (non-consecutive) in the top 40, so it’s still his real biggest hit.  His first UK hit came with “Used To Love U” in 2005, so it’s been an unusually slow progress to a first number one hit.

With the release schedule for this week looking absolutely dead, the Smith/Legend single seems to have every prospect of holding on for a second week.

On the album chart:

• “In the Lonely Hour” by Sam Smith at 1.  The British just can’t get enough of him, it seems.  This is Smith’s fifth stint at number 1 on the albums chart, and his eighth week in total.  The album has now spent 42 weeks inside the top 10, which is impressive even in the current market.  (And boy, the revamped Official Charts website makes it a thousand times easier to look this stuff up.)
• “Rebel Heart” by Madonna enters at 2, which is a surprise, because she’s got weeks of pre-orders behind her.  If it doesn’t go further (and it probably won’t), it’ll be her first studio album to miss number 1 since 1994.  In fact, it’s actually quicker to list the Madonna studio albums that didn’t go to number 1 – “Madonna”, “You Can Dance”, “I’m Breathless”, “Erotica” and “Bedtime Stories”.
• “Lady Sings the Blues” by Rebecca Ferguson at 7.  Third album by the X Factor contestant.  They’ve all made the top 10.  This one is a collection of Billie Holliday covers.  Single: “Get Happy”.
• “Colours” by Blue at 13.  The B-list turn of the century boy band’s second album since reforming a few years ago.  The last one sold passably in Germany as well, which is presumably why we’re getting another one.  Single: “King of the World”.  (And boy, they really pushed the boat out on the video budget there, didn’t they?)